Part 2: Barkido-The Way of the German Shepherd

Posted: November 14, 2011 in Delusions with my Dog

I heard a gong from the far end of the house, and immediately thought, “Uh oh…the delusion is starting over!”   I walked the hallway toward the master bedroom, and opened the door slowly.  It was dark, and the unmistakable scent of jasmine filled the room. ” Why didn’t the smoke alarm go off?”, I wondered.  Sure enough, there sat my four-legged best friend, on our bed wrapped in the comforter he knows is forbidden. 

HANS Ahhhhh…Robert-san.  You have returned to learn more of the ways of the German Shepherd.  Very good…

GSA: First I have several questionsWhere did you get the gong? How did you light that incense?  And are you at all aware that the comforter is forbidden for canine-use?

HANS:  All of those things are easily answerable. But our time is short, so allow me to address the use of this lovely comforter first.  I am using it to demonstrate the next quality of Barkido.  It is known as POLITENESS, being represented by benevolence to all living things.  It should always border on the quality of LOVE.

GSA: And wrapping your furry behind in Mom’s comforter shows politeness?  She’s gonna kick your polite behind…And by the way, I recognize your “gong” as one of Mom’s expensive skillets!  The handle is all chewed!

HANS: I have need of surfaces for chewing.   Follow now, the reasoning that forms POLITENESS.  You know it to be true that the night air will be both chill and damp from rain.  In service of POLITENESS, I warm the comforter for Mommy to use, so that she is warm and comfortable.  Leaving bits of my own hair will comfort her with the familiar, soothing, odors that emanate from my person.  These same attributes will invite the young puppy I am training to also share this vital work with me.  Does this not make sense to you?

GSA:  Sounds like the same reason that I ate the last cupcake.  I wouldn’t want Mom to feel guilty for eating it…alright, I’ll give you a pass on this one.  What’s next?

HANS:  It is SINCERITY.  Every dog has opportunity each day to display sincerity and with it, it’s boon companion honesty.  I do not want to trumpet my own accomplishments in this regard, but you may observe it between young Holly-chan and I daily.  You will often see her with a highly desirable chew toy or ball.  I will approach her, and relieve her of the possession.  This teaches her that belongings are of no value, and that she should be prepared to surrender them to her sensei at any given time.  My sincerity is proven in the self-sacrifice to teach the young one.  Honesty is demonstrated by acknowledgement that the older dog is more worthy of the toy.  Holly-Chan has had much difficulty in learning this concept, as she often bites me for taking things from her.  I bear the scars on my legs from her deprivation.

GSA:  I’m  not so sure about that one Mister…You seem to have stolen and stashed every toy and chewy in the house and stashed them in your crate.  Including three different shoes, (mine) 7 socks, (2 mine,5 Moms) and at least one hairbrush.  How do you explain that?

HANS:  To explain that, I can only say that I am a victim of circumstance and adherence to the Code.  I am dog, and shall always be such…And that brings us to the next quality of Barkido…LOYALTY.

GSA:    How did you light that incense?  You could have burned the house down…

HANS:  And yet, it still stands.  Pay attention now, I am about to teach you of Loyalty.  The Dog  IS  Loyalty personified.  Always will the dog stand by the human it owns.  I will always be there to share your food, Always will I be there to flatten the bedclothes as you attempt to make the bed, always will I attempt to open the bathroom door when you have closed it behind you.  When you clean out the refrigerator, always will I have my nose close at hand to assist you, when you go out the door, always will I be of the mind that I MUST go with you.  Always will I sort thru the garbage cans so as to insure that you have not thrown away something important.  I will loyally eat any food that you seemingly abandon, so as to prevent you from suffering from cold food.  There are many ways to display LOYALTY for the dedicated canine.

GSA:  Well, I can’t argue with you there…you certainly demonstrate those traits.  Mommy has created the “German Shepherd Diet” because of you.  She makes something to eat, and you look for ways to eat half of it.

HANS:  Yes, I must be ever vigilant to watch what she is eating, and always maintain a plan to relieve her of any excess food she may attempt to eat.  As for you Robert-san, I’ve seen you eat…I wouldn’t come between you and food for any price.

GSA:  You show Wisdom as well.  And Prudence…

HANS:  And that leads us to the final quality of Barkido.  “SELF-CONTROL”. 

GSA:  Oh, this should be good…

HANS:  Self-Control is the quality that sets the German Shepherd apart from all other canines.  We do not give in to the impulses that others surrender to without hesitation.  Where the Doberman will bark at every small noise, and carry on like an idiot, the German Shepherd will patiently wait until the noise is clearly a threat to bark.  Where the Malinois will attempt to chew thru dry wall to leave a room or subdue a subject, the German Shepherd will wait patiently for the surprise factor.  Where the Poodle will pine for a bath and fluff, the German Shepherd is content to smell like something he has rolled in, or swam thru.   Patiently will the German Shepherd wait for the perfect moment to abscond with yummy food morsels from the kitchen counters.  Such is the Way of the German Shepherd.

GSA:  This has been a very interesting delusion Hans…Hopefully everybody has learned alot about their German Shepherds behavior.  Make sure you put Mom’s skillet back where you got it, douse that incense, and put the comforter back on the bed.  And for the love of goodness, drop the Mr. Miyagi accent.

HANS:  I seek only to teach the bipedals under my care.  Next time, May I introduce the world to the  “Dogga-Sutra”?

GSA:   NO YOU MAY NOT!!!  This is a family blog!!

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